Doggie letters to God

- Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
- Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
- Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride!  Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
- Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
- Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
- Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
- Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
- Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.
- Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
- Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
- Dear God, May I have my testicles back?
- Dear God, These are just some of the things I must remember (in order to keep my present living arrangements):
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. -
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. -
- I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed. -
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. -
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. -
- I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.-
- I will not throw up in the car. -
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
- I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in  the backyard after processing. -
- I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them. -
- I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
- When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. -
- We do not have a doorbell. - I will not bark each time I hear one on television. -
- I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them. -
- The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps. -
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator. -
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. -
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. -
- I will not roll around in the dirt right after getting a bath. -
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.' -
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. -
- The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, doesn't mean it's cleaner. -
- I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
- I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my rear end can quickly clear a room. -
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.