Office Etiquette

     Dear Employees:
    
     It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
     throughout the company have been using foul language during the
     course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
    
     Due to complaints received from some employees who may easily be
     offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do,
     however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
     express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
    
     Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so
     that proper exchange ideas and information can continue in an effective
     manner.
    
     1) Try Saying: I think you could use more training
     Instead Of: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
    
     2) Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter
     Instead Of: She's a ball-busting bitch.
    
     3) Try Saying:! Perhaps I can work late
     Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
    
     4) Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
     Instead Of: No Fucking way.
    
     5) Try Saying: Really?
     Instead Of: You've got to be shitting me!
    
     6) Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
     Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a shit.
    
     7) Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project
     Instead Of: It's not my fucking problem.
    
     8) Try Saying: That's interesting
     Instead Of: What the fuck?
    
     9) Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented
     Instead Of: This shit won't work.
    
     10) Try Saying: I'll try to schedule that
     Instead Of: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
    
     11) Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
     Instead Of: He's got his head up his ass.
    
     12) Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
     Instead Of: Eat shit and die.
    
     13) Try Saying: So you weren't happy with it?
     Instead Of: Kiss my ass.
    
     14) Try Saying: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment
     Instead Of: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
    
     15) Try Saying: I don't think you understand
     Instead Of: Shove it up your ass.
    
     16) Try Saying: I love a challenge
     Instead Of: This job sucks.
    
     17) Try Saying: You want me to take care of that?
     Instead Of: Who the hell died and made you boss?
    
     18) Try Saying: I See
     Instead Of: Blow me.
    
     19) Try Saying: He's somewhat insensitive
     Instead Of: He's a prick.
    
     We feel this will lead to a happier, healthier work environment for
     everyone!
    
     Thank You,
     Human Resources