Brain Cramps
 

Question:    If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,  because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,  but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss  Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest! 

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I  can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with  all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking  kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"   --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings,  Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor  Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to  have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."  --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
 

"That lowdown  scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed  new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."  --John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."  --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the  environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."  --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

"It's no  exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"  --George Bush, 41st President

"We've got to pause  and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
 

"The word "genius" isn't  applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."! --Colonel Gerald  Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't  succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may  not occur." --Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that  you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in  your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South  Carolina

"If somebody has a  bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it  will monitor their heart throughout  the night.  And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowl! er, FCC Chairman

...Feeling smarter yet?