1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift 

 

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

And my favorite one...

13. Potential Murder Suspect

THE HORMONE WARNING:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all  

a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!   

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license  

in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.

 

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.